Hypocrisy
by QueenDromeda
Summary: "This room is sacred to the sport of football. You don't see the girls defiling their locker room with sex, and I refuse to let ours be treated worse." - Oliver's rule was simple; if only he followed through on it. - Oliver/Bill, Muggle!AU


"It's come to my attention that some of you have been using our locker room for less than savory activities," Oliver Wood started, weaving in between the metal benches that sat in the center of the boys locker room.

To the rest of the team members gathered that his glare seemed focused on Harry Potter, the youngest person to make the football team in the history of their boarding school. The boy himself blushed furiously, even more so when the eyes of Fred and George Weasley landed on him.

"Really Potter-" George ground out, the defender's usually light-hearted disposition gone.

"Of all things we wanted to hear today-" Fred continued.

"Your sex life," George continued, looking almost green at the idea of what he was saying, "With Ginny, our little sister-"

Fred leaned towards the midfielder in question, "Was not on the list. Honestly, Potter of all places for you to shag Gin, you picked the sleaziest."

A few members of team nodded in agreement. Cormac McLaggen opened his mouth, probably to argue that the locker room was a perfectly fine place to have sex, when Oliver broke back into the impending argument. The upper sixth student looked like he wanted to clobber the boys with his cleats, but pure self-restraint kept him from doing so.

Oliver began, "I didn't call this team meeting-"

"Technically it's not a team meeting because the girls aren't here," Dean Thomas pointed out, looking about the, noticeably, girl-less room.

"I am well aware of that, thank you Thomas," The captain scanned the room sharply, "I thought that it would be better to have this meeting without them around, as not to embarrass some of the fragile ego's we have on the team."

His pointed look at Harry was not missed by the other players.

Dean frowned again, "Yes, but-"

"Five laps Thomas!" He exploded, a vein in his neck pulsating. When it looked like forward would ask another question, he gave another shout, "I'll make it ten if you don't get your arse moving now! And don't think that you can do one and get away with it! IF YOU'RE NOT SWEATING THROUGH YOUR PANTS BY THE TIME YOU'RE DONE I'LL BENCH YOU FOR THE REST OF THE SEASON!"

That got the boy moving as he fled from the room, the sound of his sneakers falling against the asphalt receding until they were no longer heard. The whole room fell silent, the only sound being Oliver's heavy breathing and the awkward cough that interrupted the captain as he was ready to speak again.

With his lips pinched together he continued, his tone terribly calm, "If anyone else would like to argue with me you're free to join Dean on the track," He paused for a moment, head cocked to the side like he was listening, "No one? Good."

"As I said early, it's come to my attention that this locker room has been used for some heinous acts."

Oliver gave them a moment to absorb the statement.

"Heinous?" George mouthed in disbelief.

"This room that we sit in is not some sex dungeon you're allowed to shag girls in, but a place to strip free of tight, sweaty clothes and take relaxing cold showers at the end of a long day," He sounded serious, with his eyes closed and his words harsh. The boys that sat around him weren't sure which part was worse; that Wood had no idea how awful his phrasing was, or the fact they allowed themselves to come to the conclusion.

Harry, bless his naive little heart, tentatively spoke up, "Er- Wood?"

"Potter, I swear on the lives of all the captains that came before me, if you speak, I will have you run laps until your shoes fall to dust and your feet scab."

"Understood," The player muttered, his face tilted downwards.

Oliver took a deep breath and restarted his pacing through the benches, "This room is sacred to the sport of football. You don't see the girls defiling their locker room with sex, and I refuse to let ours be treated worse."

Fred gaped in shock, mouthing, "Defiling?" once the captain had his back to him.

"I have let a lot slide over the school year so far," No one mentioned that they'd only been in school for a month so far, "But my God, the amount of time's I've come in here only to find the remnants of a quick shag or the time's I've heard some of you boasting about who you did and where you did it, I could write a list. A very, _very_ long list."

Cormac, who the boys had turned to look at when boasting came up, didn't even have the good grace to look ashamed with himself. He shrugged easily, "It's not everyday you get in the pants of Pansy Parkinson."

Silence.

Then Ritchie Coote spoke up, "Have you been hit in the head that much, McLaggen? It's literally an everyday thing with her."

Jimmy Peakes shook his head, "I thought her and Malfoy were in a relationship?"

"They are," Harry answered as the supreme knowledge holder of Draco Malfoy, "But I suppose it's an open relationship, because neither of them are exactly faithful."

"I think they're together so they always have a back-up. It's kind of pathetic," George chimed in.

Fred nodded, "They both deserve more than each other but neither deserve anyone better than themselves. It's sad, really."

"Thank you for the gossip, ladies," Oliver broke in, his face cleared of emotion, "It's nice to know that you all keep in touch with the comings of the school. Now, however," He clapped his hands together, "Could. You. All. Shut. Up."

After a few awkward coughs and twiddled thumbs the room was quiet again.

The goalie smiled, not that it was particularly cheerful, "Wonderful. It's nice to know that you lot can follow orders. It gives me faith that you'll listen to me when I tell you about our new policy about sex in the locker room. I have one rule and one rule only, and that is that there will be no sex in the locker room."

The revelation wasn't exactly shocking; after all what else would Oliver say about it with the whole clobbering with cleats expression on his face. Of course, that didn't stop the boys from giving a unanimous gasp anyway.

"If I catch wind of anyone shagging in here there will ten laps for every incident I hear about. If this continues I'll install a video camera to record the action before mailing it to your families as a Christmas gift."

Harry lifted his hand in the air.

Rolling his eyes and muttering a small prayer to God, Oliver waved a hand, "Yes, Potter?"

"Not that I don't love your plan, because I do. Love your plan that is. But I'm fairly certain that putting cameras in a locker room breaks a whole bunch of laws," The midfielder informed.

He waved the information away, "It's only illegal if I'm caught."

"See, I'm not too sure that's how it works," Harry added, his eyes pinched together.

Oliver had already began walking again, his voice raised in finality, "Now that you all know about this issue, and the repercussions of breaking our new rule, you're dismissed for the day. Remember to take a long hard time to think about your mother's tonight and imagine their reaction to receiving a sex tape involving their son. Oh, and one of you go tell Thomas to stop."

Slowly all the team trickled out, leaving Oliver alone in the room that would probably smell like sweat and axe cologne for the rest of the time it stood. Clicking his tongue, the captain settled on to a bench himself, tapping his chewed down nails on the metal. He kicked his cleats off, which he wasn't exactly supposed to be wearing in the locker room, before sighing.

He really wanted to clobber someone.

"You know I really get why your boys like it in here. Who doesn't want to have hot sex on the locker room floor?" A familiar voice came from behind the lockers.

He didn't move from the bench. Instead the captain called out irritably, "What do you want?"

The other man's shoes clicked softly as he walked towards Oliver, but he still was not in view, "I am, in fact, in a higher position of power than you, as assistant head coach. You're aware of that aren't you?"

"Well aware. Perfectly aware. I will never forget in a million-"

Oliver was cut off by a pair of lips pressing against his own. His eyes widened slightly, staring at the pair that were pinched shut, belong to the man that was kissing him. Pushing on the body leaning into him he slid himself down the bench, shooting a glare at the redheaded man who initiated the act.

"What are you doing here?" Oliver whispered, harshly. He didn't exactly know why he was whispering in the empty room, but considering that snogging was now forbidden he supposed he had a right to be nervous.

Bill give him an innocent look that wasn't quite as convincing as it was meant to be, "I wanted to visit you."

"And I thought you were supposed to go out with Fleur today. Wasn't she going to drag you to the cinema?"

"There was a change of plans," Bill said, sitting on the bench himself, "She ended up getting a date."

Oliver raised an eyebrow, refusing to look at the older man, "And who's the poor lad this time?"

"Roger Davies," He replied simply.

Oliver didn't say anything or even react to the slight hiss made as Bill slid down the seat towards him. He certainly didn't give a small start to the other man's warmth as he pressed himself to his side, Bill's long hair tickling his ears and cheek. Nope. Oliver was an unmovable fortress.

Bill gave a groan, "Oh come on Oliver! We have the whole room to ourselves; you're not seriously going to let us pass up this opportunity, are you?"

"I am. I told my boys no sex in the locker room, and that included snogging in my head. I'll have to tell them that tomorrow, so there's no loopholes for them to slip through. Anyway, I refuse to go against a rule a set up, and you'll just have to-"

He was cut off by a pair of lips, slightly off to the right, pressing onto his mouth. Oliver tilted his head away, and Bill began kissing down his jawline, then his neck, before settling on a spot just above his collar bone. Oliver whimpered slightly, when the sensitive skin was nipped at.

And then, just as Oliver closed his eyes to enjoy himself, Bill pulled away.

"What?" The captain asked, flicking his eyes open, "Why'd you stop?"

Bill give him a small smirk, "No kissing in the locker room, I'm afraid."

He growled in the back of his throat, before crashing his lips onto the other man's. Oliver pushed himself onto Oliver's lap, twisting around the bench so he was facing the opposite way he was before. Bill held a hand against his neck, and Oliver played with both his hair and his shirt hem.

As they snogged, Bill eventually began trailing kisses again, taking longer this time as he bit Oliver's neck while going down, just light enough not to bruise. When the redhead reached his collarbone again, Oliver began to lift Bill's shirt his hands running up and down his torso and back, enjoying the feel of his warm skin.

The shirt was halfway off when an entirely unwelcome voice interrupted, "Wood? Where are- OH MY GOD!"

Breaking apart, Oliver found a blushing Dean Thomas, standing with his back to them, "Thomas, what are you doing in here?"

"I- I just wanted to tell you I did the laps anyway, as an apology," The kid licked his lips, "But y'know, I'll just be going." And before he was even finished speaking, he was off.

"IF THIS GET'S OUT THOMAS I'LL TELL YOUR MOTHER ABOUT THAT TIME I FOUND YOU IN A CLOSET WITH PADMA PATIL!" Oliver shouted, after his retreating form.

A squeak was all the captain got in an answer.

Turning back to Bill, Oliver leaned in, his words ghosting softly against his lips, "Now, where were we?"

o0o

That's slightly more crack than I wanted, but the need to write a muggle!au was overwhelming. For the Multi-Ship Challenge with Bill/Oliver


End file.
